Why I Hate The Holidays

Thinking about the holidays really stresses me out. The commercialization, the forced family time, and the obsessive fixation on Christmas music cause me to despise the holiday season. I use to hate the holidays even more than I do now, but I have relaxed a bit in my old age.

However, in all my Grinch-ness, there is one holiday that may turn this entire thing around. Thanksgiving has always been a low impact kind of holiday. As a child I got to watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, stay in my pajamas all day, hear my mom complain about cooking a ton of food, eating the amazing traditional Thanksgiving dinner, watch some movies, and then go to bed. As I became a teenager, I took a more active role in the holiday. I would offer to help cook and my mom would give me some menial task like sautéing onions or peeling potatoes. It’s probably in those moments in that kitchen in North Durham with the dark brown, stained cabinets and beige countertops that I began to like cooking. I wanted to slice, chop, and stir all the time.

When I went to college I liked the break from school that was always associated with Thanksgiving. Don’t get me wrong, I loved getting a break from school my whole life. But there is something about coming home from college and walking into your childhood home and seeing all the fall decorations and the various pots and pans already being set out in preparation of the upcoming feast. During college, Thanksgiving meant I had someone else to cook for me and I did not have to get up early and run off to class. I still had plenty of reading to do for my classes, but the workload somehow felt less intense. 

In the last few years my parents' divorce has definitely added to the list of reasons why I dislike the holidays. They separated before Thanksgiving two years ago and I remember that specific Thanksgiving being a strange, awkward, and horrid event.

Last year was the first Thanksgiving in my mom's new townhouse. There are already so many emotions swirling around this topic and now facing a major holiday in this new home could result in a major emotional breakdown. Since Thanksgiving is my mom's favorite holiday my brother, sister, and I decided we were going to make it special for her. I came over early and cooked breakfast, we watched the parade, and helped my mom cook dinner. And while we shared what we were thankful for, waxed poetic about the past, and began to get comfortable on the couch I realized that I actually really loved the day. I loved spending time with my mom, I loved starting the tradition of cooking breakfast for everyone that morning, I loved getting to watch the parade, and I loved Thanksgiving. And even though the holidays usually solicit pain for a myriad of reasons, this holiday was actually really great. So great that my heart grew three sizes that day. 

Do I still dislike the holiday season? Yes. But I think I am warming up to it.