One year. So many things have changed.
A year ago things were ok. My life was fine. I didn’t have any major issues to handle, work through, or figure out. My life was steady.
In a year I’ve watched my life fall to pieces. I’ve watched as I’ve seen my family slowly spiral into chaos and torture, plagued by an immense weight. I’ve seen my family robbed of all hope. I’ve seen the bottom, touched it, and did not come up for air. I’m not sure if I’m even out of it now.
It’s hard to stand by and watch a car crash happen. To watch the impact. To hear the crunching of metal. To smell the burning rubber. To see the glimmer of glass on the pavement. But yet, you can’t pull your eyes away from the destruction. My life felt and, at times, still feels like a sixteen car pile-up. Devastating, gut wrenching, and heart breaking.
However, in the last year I’ve learned a lot about myself. I am much stronger than I thought I was. I have had to carry the weight of my family a lot this year, and I’ve been able to do it. I am able to do my job well even at my lowest of lows. I can open up to people about what is going on in my life instead of putting on my mask. I know when I cannot do it alone and when to ask for help. I know that I have to love, no matter how much it hurts. I’ve learned I can be angry and it’s okay. Trust will not happen overnight. I’ve learned that my Mom is a wonderful and beautiful woman. And that my Dad is a good man.
What happened? It doesn’t matter. What does matter is that I’m a different Mira today than I was a year ago. I’m not happy that these events had to happen in order for me to become this updated version of myself, but I am glad I’ve turned out this way. I could be bitter, remorseful, and angry. And while I feel all those emotions and more at times, those emotions don’t define me.
One year. So many things have changed. Including me.
