I’ve been gone…now I’m back. Life just grabs a hold of you and it doesn’t seem to let go. I don’t release my grip on Life either because I don’t want to miss what he has in store for me. I’ve just been consumed with some pretty overwhelming things lately and I’m so mentally exhausted from all of that so I’m going to just list a few significant, some mundane, and mostly arbitrary thoughts. I’ve done the list thing a few times now and I’m doing it again. It’s my blog; I’ll do what I want.
God is love.
Photography is my new favorite hobby.
I really need to build my IKEA bookcase.
New York and Company would go out of business if I didn’t shop there.
My sister Sahra is perfect.
Twenty-three has been a great year.
No, there is no Mr. Darcy, but there is probably someone better right around the corner.
I’m going to Algeria this summer.
Editing is one of my favorite things.
Celebrities are people too. They have problems like the rest of us.
There isn’t enough time for me to read all the books piled up in my room.
My mom is more than amazing, she is astonishing.
I am trying to figure out my love language.
My aloe plant refuses to grow anymore.
Johnna, Ashley D., and Travis are just a few of the best people in my life.
Being a high school LifeGroup leader fills me up.
Friends are family.
I want to share my story.
My brother Malik is so brave.
John Mayer has a messy personal life, but musically, he is a genius.
Crosspointe is a source of inspiration, motivation, and influence.
Tears are great.
Saying” I love shoes” is an understatement.
My dad is an honorable man.
I still laugh every day.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Sunday, December 13, 2009
The Next Play
My life can be summed up in a word. Changing. Everything I do, places I live, people I love; all of that changes. That is only natural. Of course I change my routine. Yes, I have moved. And I just add to the list of people I love. But these changes are not always positive. There is always a challenge. Always some strife. It’s like you are playing offense against a very large, stronger version of your insecurities and you have to figure out if you’re just going to pass the ball and wait for the next play, or if you’re going to charge and attempt to make the basket.
I use to wait for the next play. Watching as moments pass me by and waiting for newer, sometimes easier, opportunities to arrive. That is changing as well. I am not waiting anymore. I am not just watching things pass me by. I am taking a carpe diem approach to life now. Take hold of every opportunity that comes my way. Change has come in many forms in the past few months.
I use to wait for the next play. Watching as moments pass me by and waiting for newer, sometimes easier, opportunities to arrive. That is changing as well. I am not waiting anymore. I am not just watching things pass me by. I am taking a carpe diem approach to life now. Take hold of every opportunity that comes my way. Change has come in many forms in the past few months.
Change in my faith and practices. Change in my home. Change in my relationship with my family. Change in my relationship with my friends. Change in my teaching practices. Some positive, filled with love and grace. Some not so positive, filled with hurt feelings and extra work. But I am trying. I am accepting. I am looking for the silver lining, and normally finding it. Change is hard and messy, often full of emotion (both good and bad). I’m not on the sidelines anymore, but in the thick of this game called change. Only now, I must follow through and charge.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Little Epiphanies
I’ve been gone awhile. Life happened.
This past month has been full of incredible experiences, growing, and reflecting. I have learned more about myself in the past month than I have in 23 years of life. So want to know the things I’ve learned? Well, here goes nothing.
This past month has been full of incredible experiences, growing, and reflecting. I have learned more about myself in the past month than I have in 23 years of life. So want to know the things I’ve learned? Well, here goes nothing.
I trust Him.
I have learned the true meaning of “Patience is a virtue.”
Paying bills really isn’t fun.
It really doesn’t matter what I wear.
Living is way more important, and fun, than surviving.
If it doesn’t get done, then it doesn’t get done.
Writing is more than a hobby, it’s an obsession.
The way to my heart, food…and Nine West shoes.
Love happens.
DeVondre is actually really funny.
I can see Forever the Sickest Kids in Greensboro, get to bed at 1:30 a.m., get up at 5:00 a.m. to teach and not experience one ounce of exhaustion.
My age does not indicate anything about my maturity level.
Christmas music before Thanksgiving is incredibly annoying.
Being rewarded for being a teacher comes in more forms than just a paycheck.
People can surprise you, and sometimes, you don’t like the surprise.
I could have been a graphic designer.
Letting go is so hard.
I wish I was back in school.
I need to read more.
Music takes me to a place I can’t even describe.
My family will love me, no matter what.
I have a really hard time being open with people, still.
Friends are the greatest gift in my life.
I like my handwriting.
I still laugh every day.
Talking is one of my many talents.
I have perfected the art of running and reading at the same time.
Time is the best gift.
The ugly stuff is good to share, and then it’s not so ugly anymore.
Just a few of the little epiphanies I had this month. Hopefully you won’t have to wait another month to read something else from me.
I have learned the true meaning of “Patience is a virtue.”
Paying bills really isn’t fun.
It really doesn’t matter what I wear.
Living is way more important, and fun, than surviving.
If it doesn’t get done, then it doesn’t get done.
Writing is more than a hobby, it’s an obsession.
The way to my heart, food…and Nine West shoes.
Love happens.
DeVondre is actually really funny.
I can see Forever the Sickest Kids in Greensboro, get to bed at 1:30 a.m., get up at 5:00 a.m. to teach and not experience one ounce of exhaustion.
My age does not indicate anything about my maturity level.
Christmas music before Thanksgiving is incredibly annoying.
Being rewarded for being a teacher comes in more forms than just a paycheck.
People can surprise you, and sometimes, you don’t like the surprise.
I could have been a graphic designer.
Letting go is so hard.
I wish I was back in school.
I need to read more.
Music takes me to a place I can’t even describe.
My family will love me, no matter what.
I have a really hard time being open with people, still.
Friends are the greatest gift in my life.
I like my handwriting.
I still laugh every day.
Talking is one of my many talents.
I have perfected the art of running and reading at the same time.
Time is the best gift.
The ugly stuff is good to share, and then it’s not so ugly anymore.
Just a few of the little epiphanies I had this month. Hopefully you won’t have to wait another month to read something else from me.
Friday, October 2, 2009
All Because of You
U2. Indescribable. Their show was one of the most breathtakingly, artistically progressive, astonishing show I have ever seen. I have seen so many musicians perform and been moved by several of them, The Rolling Stones, Fall Out Boy, Civil Twilight, Goo Goo Dolls. However, after last night’s performance none of them come close to that performance.
U2 has been my favorite band since I was 12 years old when my mom gave me her album The Joshua Tree and told me to listen to it. I fell in love with their sound, their lyrics, and them then. I even thought Bono was cute, and I still strongly believe that today. Since then I have bought or downloaded everything U2. I joined the ONE campaign three years ago because of Bono. I bought their book two years ago. I have their music video DVD. I respect U2 as a band not only for their musical genius but for their philanthropic work as well.
For the past few years I kept telling myself that if U2 comes to town then I would go to their show. When I found out they were coming to Raleigh I checked out the tickets, but realized that I couldn’t afford $250 to see my favorite band. They are worth it, but I have to pay my rent too. When Pam offered me a ticket to see my favorite band I knew my dream was going to come true. It was a dream that I was fulfilled last night. You know when you see a really great band live and they inspire you, give you hope? U2 does that for me every time I listen to them but last night watching them I was in awe. It was almost as if I was having an out of body experience throughout the entire show, like I was looking down at myself and just repeating, “I am at a U2 concert.” I know I have no musical talent, but I can admire it and understand its influence on a person’s life. U2 has influenced me. I can’t believe I saw U2 last night.
U2 has been my favorite band since I was 12 years old when my mom gave me her album The Joshua Tree and told me to listen to it. I fell in love with their sound, their lyrics, and them then. I even thought Bono was cute, and I still strongly believe that today. Since then I have bought or downloaded everything U2. I joined the ONE campaign three years ago because of Bono. I bought their book two years ago. I have their music video DVD. I respect U2 as a band not only for their musical genius but for their philanthropic work as well.
For the past few years I kept telling myself that if U2 comes to town then I would go to their show. When I found out they were coming to Raleigh I checked out the tickets, but realized that I couldn’t afford $250 to see my favorite band. They are worth it, but I have to pay my rent too. When Pam offered me a ticket to see my favorite band I knew my dream was going to come true. It was a dream that I was fulfilled last night. You know when you see a really great band live and they inspire you, give you hope? U2 does that for me every time I listen to them but last night watching them I was in awe. It was almost as if I was having an out of body experience throughout the entire show, like I was looking down at myself and just repeating, “I am at a U2 concert.” I know I have no musical talent, but I can admire it and understand its influence on a person’s life. U2 has influenced me. I can’t believe I saw U2 last night.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Calming Clarity
You know that moment of such profound clarity where everything seems right with the world? That moment where things seems a little easier, a little more palpable. I experienced that this summer. Clarity began, and has lasted, since July 19. The day I became a member of Crosspointe Church I knew something more powerful than myself had taken over. I have been waiting for a moment like this for 23 years, and now, it’s here and it’s always with me. God is such a driving force in my life now. While I was floating in this limbo of Christianity and agnosticism, I was so self-absorbed. How can I make my life better? How can I make myself happy? How can I benefit from this situation, person, job? All first person, all about me.
Since I joined Crosspointe this sense of ease and selflessness came over me. I am beginning to study The Bible now instead of using it as a prop at Christmas and Easter. I am learning to forgive. I’m struggling with not judging. And I mean what I believe. Everything seems better and brighter. Since July 19 I have become a better person. I have more faith, more trust in God, and more trust in others. I am just experiencing a calm I cannot explain. I am still learning and I know that no one has it all figured out.
A family that has really inspired, shaped, and continue to walk with me in this journey are the Hinton’s. Not only are the two younger Hinton’s (Johnna and Travis) two of my best friends, but they are true examples of God’s love and grace. I know that we all struggle, fall and lose our way. I experienced all of these for a while, but now, I’m back on the path. Headed in whatever direction I’m destined to be led. I will not have qualms about the unknown, because I’m giving it up to God.
Since I joined Crosspointe this sense of ease and selflessness came over me. I am beginning to study The Bible now instead of using it as a prop at Christmas and Easter. I am learning to forgive. I’m struggling with not judging. And I mean what I believe. Everything seems better and brighter. Since July 19 I have become a better person. I have more faith, more trust in God, and more trust in others. I am just experiencing a calm I cannot explain. I am still learning and I know that no one has it all figured out.
A family that has really inspired, shaped, and continue to walk with me in this journey are the Hinton’s. Not only are the two younger Hinton’s (Johnna and Travis) two of my best friends, but they are true examples of God’s love and grace. I know that we all struggle, fall and lose our way. I experienced all of these for a while, but now, I’m back on the path. Headed in whatever direction I’m destined to be led. I will not have qualms about the unknown, because I’m giving it up to God.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Beginning
Been on a hiatus since school let out. Been a busy bee this summer, but now, I'm finally slowing down. Enjoy!
“I guess this is growing up. I’m sleeping so little these days. I guess this is growing up. I’m feeling things are about to change. I’m guessing this is growing up.” –“Coffee Break” by Forever the Sickest Kids
Things have definitely changed since June. I moved out of my parents and moved in with one of my best friends. I still feel like a visitor in my own apartment. It hasn’t hit me that I’m an adult. I now have even more bills to pay, more responsibility than ever before. But I wouldn’t trade this freedom for anything. While living with your parents it is hard to be “on your own.” Even throughout college it’s hard to recognize the weight of this because, in most cases, you still come home during the summer, your parents are paying for your tuition and rent.
I used to feel so confined at home. My parents are wonderful people, but I never felt as if I was truly an adult. I had a full time job, a career, and living at home made me feel like I was still their 15 year old daughter. Now I don’t have to deal with the Spanish Inquisition-like discussion every time I want to leave the house. I don’t have to face an argument with someone about the chaotic state of my bedroom. I can determine what time and what type of food I want to eat dinner instead of having my chef, a.k.a. mother, decide for me. I don’t have to call when I’m going to come home late. Having these freedoms is so wonderful. However, I sometimes long for the comfort of home. Sometimes I wish I could walk in and know that dinner will be ready and waiting for me. But as hard it is to be away from my family, I love this feeling. This feeling of being an adult. I finally feel like my life is beginning.
“I guess this is growing up. I’m sleeping so little these days. I guess this is growing up. I’m feeling things are about to change. I’m guessing this is growing up.” –“Coffee Break” by Forever the Sickest Kids
Things have definitely changed since June. I moved out of my parents and moved in with one of my best friends. I still feel like a visitor in my own apartment. It hasn’t hit me that I’m an adult. I now have even more bills to pay, more responsibility than ever before. But I wouldn’t trade this freedom for anything. While living with your parents it is hard to be “on your own.” Even throughout college it’s hard to recognize the weight of this because, in most cases, you still come home during the summer, your parents are paying for your tuition and rent.
I used to feel so confined at home. My parents are wonderful people, but I never felt as if I was truly an adult. I had a full time job, a career, and living at home made me feel like I was still their 15 year old daughter. Now I don’t have to deal with the Spanish Inquisition-like discussion every time I want to leave the house. I don’t have to face an argument with someone about the chaotic state of my bedroom. I can determine what time and what type of food I want to eat dinner instead of having my chef, a.k.a. mother, decide for me. I don’t have to call when I’m going to come home late. Having these freedoms is so wonderful. However, I sometimes long for the comfort of home. Sometimes I wish I could walk in and know that dinner will be ready and waiting for me. But as hard it is to be away from my family, I love this feeling. This feeling of being an adult. I finally feel like my life is beginning.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Don't Hate, Appreciate
So I'm blogging on location...the Hinton living room. I am pet/house sitting for them and attempting to help them, even if it is through this small gesture of watching Abbie and collecting their mail. I am totally in love with their house.
Summer has only began for me and already I am looking forward to my events planned later in the season. Moving in (YAY!) to my new apartment with one of my favorites, beach trip with the family, cookouts and dinners with friends, more boating (?), and just relaxing by the pool. But as I realize what I'm looking forward to I forget to appreciate the moment I'm in now. I often look forward to the next thing. Especially when I was teaching I caught myself frequently saying things like, "I can't wait until the weekend," or "I can't wait until (insert chosen Holiday break)."
I end up wishing my life away and not cherishing the moments I am in now. As I look outside at the sun seeping through the clouds I realize that I need to value each moment. I should be excited and look forward to the future, but I can't disregard the present for something better to come along. So I am valuing the present moments and excited about the future, remembering to appreciate everything along the way.
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